i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
