How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
