Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
