What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
