moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
