please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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