Betty ford says i'm here all night
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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