I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
