This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
