I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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