Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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