You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
