i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
