Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
