yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
PS: I just woke up from my shower
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
