You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
