Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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