Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
