this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Randomize
