I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
