from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
