there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
areolas are like halos for boobs.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
