Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Randomize
