The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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