I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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