Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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