Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize