I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
