woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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