Pants 0. Shit 1.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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