the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
