Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
