Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
