That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
