You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
