Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
