So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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