just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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