y did u give ur computer a hand job?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
