Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
