theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
only you would photoshop your dick
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
