I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
