They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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