How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I didn't notice because vodka
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
