You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
