check it out our google latitudes are spooning
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
