would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
