her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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