Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
