your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
