I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
